Missed Chances

Don’t mess with me
Don’t look at me like that.
Don’t look as if –
Don’t look at me
like you’re in love,
And you’ve just realized it,
now

 

No

There’s this video on Facebook and I want to share it here too, because I was not able to put captions on the one I shared there. The thing is, I was stumped because it took a long time for me to make that post go public and label with it captions that I deemed enough to say what’s my take on that, which I sadly didn’t get to do because of personal reasons.

After that moment I realized how powerless I am against personal preferences-turned-society standards that are still prevalent today. How voiceless and weak-willed I have gotten because of all the “NO” that I’ve received all these years. I cannot say I love motorcycles because the people around me deem it to be dangerous and relatively useless compared to cars which I am currently learning to drive because they said so. I cannot voice aloud how utterly illogical and downright inhumane it is to shame women because of their sexual preferences, because my religion says that a woman of worth is a woman who has not yet had sex before marriage.

I cannot voice out aloud and do things that I love, or be who I really am, because all my life, I was faced with anger, rejection, and disgust every time I tried to do those.

From my childhood the word NO was screaming at my face, and yet over time I simply forgot about it, because I hadn’t noticed how I was regressing, devolving into something that was expected of me. Until now.

So I’ll say it: I think we need to rethink the way we go about rejecting and accepting things. We need to remember, every time, the distinction between personal preferences and standards. You don’t apply standards to people. If you don’t like things, then say it straight and firm to that person’s face. No excuses. No bullshit about this is why I hate you because I’ve made it a point to abide by some standard that’s actually just some other people’s preference without really thinking about it. No passive aggressive or actions in general. Just plain say it.

With this, I also want to express my appreciation for those people who do have the courage to speak out against the fucking bullshit treatment people give to others just because they think they have the power to do so– because the current society gave them the power to do so. I may not have the same courage as you do, but one day, maybe I would not need to muster the same amount of courage because of all the progress you’ve made in abolishing those standards/changing our society. For that, thank you.

And to people like me, one day, we will find our voice again. Until then, be safe, and remember that you are not alone. There are many amongst us that are with you. Even if you won’t find your voice in this lifetime, we will be your voice. Your children could be your voice, and the future civilization could be, too. All it takes is for your flames to burn alive within you, inconspicuously or a bright blaze, it doesn’t matter whichever, because these will surely ignite the life of those singing the same melody as you.

The Paradox of the Present

If you can’t recognize it for what it is without its wrappings, you can never truly appreciate it, much less say that you really know what it is. And yet, even if you stumble upon that moment where you can say that you’ve truly seen it, in the blink of an eye, it morphs away into something else — growing, shrinking, expanding, contracting; but never disappearing.

It’s 4 am and I’m still not yet asleep

I’ve got things to do and yet here I am

Thinking of what to write, trying to get a grip